Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Sunday, February 13, 2011
first love
In honor of Valentine's Day tomorrow I say think of your first love.
I've uttered the words so often now in twenty two years, that I try to remind myself the who what where when and how of love. Including how much I need them, where they come from, and why I will always say them . I try, which is an adventure in it of itself, to be present in my words, but these words especially.
The phrase "I love you" has been in my vocabulary from the very start. It means like all my first words, almost the same as the ones I learned as a baby: yes, no, thank you, please, more, enough, want, hello, and goodbye. My parents told me they loved me frequently and this much with arms wide spread. I grew up in a place where love was honored and affection was given.
I learned good people make more love not just enough and that at the end of the day it was worth it to be that good person.
As a young girl, I remember my first crush on a boy with freckles and light blond hair. I thought of how other girls mentioned boys were uncool, but I didn't care. I liked to talk with him and sit nearby.
I thought I would marry him; I thought this is what you do with people you love. You grow up loving them, hug, kiss, and live together.
But I've long since been that girl doting on him during an elementary school class. I've kissed, even dated boys I didn't marry. We just didn't love each other. Love is with someone who loves the you, you give back. It sounds so familiar, like a movie or card on Valentine's Day. But is it not true? Is it not what we aspire to?
Confidences waver, marriages may end, friends and family may drift apart but there is always the hope, journey and destination to love and be loved. People are stronger than you think, there is muscle memory in how we move others, and of course if you believe in the person you are, know you are already loved.
I learned this first from my mother and father, who I can't help but think of when I define the words, use and reuse them. I know that if you sometimes lose them, you can always keep them.
I love you as if for the first time. I love if because, please,yes, no, more, sorry, enough, always, be near, thank you, your welcome, stay, go, hello, goodbye, and of course.
I've uttered the words so often now in twenty two years, that I try to remind myself the who what where when and how of love. Including how much I need them, where they come from, and why I will always say them . I try, which is an adventure in it of itself, to be present in my words, but these words especially.
The phrase "I love you" has been in my vocabulary from the very start. It means like all my first words, almost the same as the ones I learned as a baby: yes, no, thank you, please, more, enough, want, hello, and goodbye. My parents told me they loved me frequently and this much with arms wide spread. I grew up in a place where love was honored and affection was given.
I learned good people make more love not just enough and that at the end of the day it was worth it to be that good person.
As a young girl, I remember my first crush on a boy with freckles and light blond hair. I thought of how other girls mentioned boys were uncool, but I didn't care. I liked to talk with him and sit nearby.
I thought I would marry him; I thought this is what you do with people you love. You grow up loving them, hug, kiss, and live together.
But I've long since been that girl doting on him during an elementary school class. I've kissed, even dated boys I didn't marry. We just didn't love each other. Love is with someone who loves the you, you give back. It sounds so familiar, like a movie or card on Valentine's Day. But is it not true? Is it not what we aspire to?
Confidences waver, marriages may end, friends and family may drift apart but there is always the hope, journey and destination to love and be loved. People are stronger than you think, there is muscle memory in how we move others, and of course if you believe in the person you are, know you are already loved.
I learned this first from my mother and father, who I can't help but think of when I define the words, use and reuse them. I know that if you sometimes lose them, you can always keep them.
I love you as if for the first time. I love if because, please,yes, no, more, sorry, enough, always, be near, thank you, your welcome, stay, go, hello, goodbye, and of course.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
If you are searching for a job...
Be prepared to find things in places you didn't think to look. It is a difficult time to find what you may not think you are looking for, but go out anyway. Meet new people, discover what you know and what you like about how you spend your day.
how to really be an adventurer
It has been nine months since my college graduation. I stood on the edge of the stage hoping just to smile and make it across with my degree. I left and sat with the placebo of a diploma in my hand ( not to receive it in the mail for a few months), thinking that I had already made my journey as a "graduate".But it wasn't until now that I've realized, it is very difficult to know before you go what you will see on the other side. Just like going through the processional, I must look forward, sometimes behind, to stand so close to the end, but keep a steady stride. And of course come to a place where others are waiting when I've made it to through to the other side.
It is perhaps no coincidence that in that time span, I've been born into several different lives as a "real girl". I am the yoga instructor, stand up comedian, avid job hunter, grad school applicant, girlfriend, friend, volunteer, writer, newcomer, dedicated employee, counselor, daughter, traveler, photographer, runner, all of these hats, I've tried on... These words are just like the labels I sort for this blog. A blog where I call myself an adventurer. So I strive to be an adventurer as well because I am in a relationship with each of these people. There is a small scale of checks and balances, a compass between my fingers, for how far I can go in these roles. I have also been excited, loved, afraid, gentle, anxious, passionate, motivated, inspired, and melancholy. But with all of the who's I've become, I am still one girl, who believes that this is journey because I am here and this is how far I've come.
This is from the book "We're going on a bear hunt"
We're going on a bear hunt!
We're going on a bear hunt!
We're gonna catch a big one!
We're gonna catch a big one!
I'm not afraid!
I'm not afraid!
Are you?
Are you?
Not me!
Not me!
Oh, no!
"It's a big puddle of mud "
"Can't go around it "
"Gotta go right thru it "
"Yeuk! "
"Well, let's go.
Squish, Sqwish, Blaaahh.
Wiki's definion of an adventure:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adventure
It is perhaps no coincidence that in that time span, I've been born into several different lives as a "real girl". I am the yoga instructor, stand up comedian, avid job hunter, grad school applicant, girlfriend, friend, volunteer, writer, newcomer, dedicated employee, counselor, daughter, traveler, photographer, runner, all of these hats, I've tried on... These words are just like the labels I sort for this blog. A blog where I call myself an adventurer. So I strive to be an adventurer as well because I am in a relationship with each of these people. There is a small scale of checks and balances, a compass between my fingers, for how far I can go in these roles. I have also been excited, loved, afraid, gentle, anxious, passionate, motivated, inspired, and melancholy. But with all of the who's I've become, I am still one girl, who believes that this is journey because I am here and this is how far I've come.
This is from the book "We're going on a bear hunt"
We're going on a bear hunt!
We're going on a bear hunt!
We're gonna catch a big one!
We're gonna catch a big one!
I'm not afraid!
I'm not afraid!
Are you?
Are you?
Not me!
Not me!
Oh, no!
"It's a big puddle of mud "
"Can't go around it "
"Gotta go right thru it "
"Yeuk! "
"Well, let's go.
Squish, Sqwish, Blaaahh.
Wiki's definion of an adventure:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adventure
Saturday, February 5, 2011
The linguistics of emotions
There is a fine line between sad and bad. Not just the one letter breakdown, but I've found in learning and loving people these words come into play. Words that are not so different after all.
Sad people do not mean to hurt anyone except maybe themselves.
And with all definitions of things, there is not often a concrete answer. A firm label that exists when you say to someone else who is near.
Emotions get confused, people are constantly on the move and with the change of day to day, the exchange of person to person-
some of the letters will shift.
Is it just enough then to listen and be heard? To face the world and those two things, looking for good?
Sad people do not mean to hurt anyone except maybe themselves.
And with all definitions of things, there is not often a concrete answer. A firm label that exists when you say to someone else who is near.
Emotions get confused, people are constantly on the move and with the change of day to day, the exchange of person to person-
some of the letters will shift.
Is it just enough then to listen and be heard? To face the world and those two things, looking for good?
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