Wednesday, May 11, 2011

The marking of time

It has been almost a year since I graduated from college. I sit here thinking of all that has happened since but more so in the way in which I measure time.  " A year since", "two weeks until", "today is". In those 365 days I've made major changes from jobs to careers, built relationships, traveled states for music, love, adventure, and complex direction. I have celebrated milestones, holidays, and change in general, ran races, stood on a stage and flown the trapeze. I've done little things I've forgotten like cut my hair, seen shows, bundled for the winter, air dried my hair and gone to the beach.
But I notice, that although the way I shape a day has changed since leaving a life I knew for four years, there is something that remains. I still mark my days by things that are important. Moments that wrap me up and make each day another. The milestones that motivate me to be a better person and the ones that remind me to stay true.  Although there is no set schedule of breaks, blitzkriegs of work, and suspense to a degree, I am a practice I bring with me my own practice. A life that fits within my own terms. However daunting and whatever I decide there is a hope in possibility. A flicker of opportunity in believing you can mark time by where you have been and where you'd like to be. I am human in that I change my mind, I say "maybe" , I can feel in between but I do my best and look for what is right for me.  Of course, I will still say "I love you forever" and "has it been a whole year since I saw you last?"  I still realize that time moves quicker than the mind.  I forgive time for being fleeting and even people for leaving me.  It has been almost  14 summers since my father passed in a small white car. 5 Springs since I left high school for bigger things. I wonder how far into the future I will continue to mark this graduation day and these things.

 I am here. X marks the spot of whatever I had been searching for a year ago. I did not know and still don't what this place is called but it exists with me at the core.

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