Wednesday, October 27, 2010

How to Stand up and show up

Sometimes in the journey, showing up is half the battle.

You have to get yourself up, get yourself out and once you are there you feel better. Maybe becoming involved with something outside of your head, it has to do with following through with the you that can do.  Doing stand up was a great experience. I was nervous at first but in truth, I felt as if I were doing something that was truly thrilling. I was telling a story, I was making people laugh, I was "showing up". But even more so I was happy to believe in the can do and specialness that ensues.  Even if you do not know the end result, if you go believe that you can get yourself there. Wherever there may be, I hope you find your way.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

there's a way- selective listening

i was once like you are now

take your time think a lot think of everything you got

still be here tomorrow but your dreams may not

always been the same story

ordered to listen

i know i have to go

so much you have to go through

i am old but i am happy

it's hard but it's harder to ignore it

love got back

The other day I thought about the way in which my mother had friends come and go in her life. Most often the ones who had love were trying to come back into to her life. People who she had lost ties with or had falling outs.  We all have these people in our lives. The ones who drift from us, the ones we leave. It may be intentional and it may be at no one's fault.  But here I was, watching these women who were somehow finding their way back to her, wanting to be included in the ones she loves.
Unlike her mother before her, the notion to repair love seems unsensable. Doubt was slowing to her, and regret hurt too much to stop.
But my mother's love is like osmosis. It is fluid and comes through, something you want and even if you have it, hope it always comes back.

The other night I was reunited with a friend. She had surprised me( followed my life and facebook, honestly) and sat in the front and to the left of my very first show. From the curtains I could see, she had made an effort just to find me. She brought flowers and she was there, as I had done for her several times before at her performances, until I didn't see much of her anymore. For nothing in return, but...

Maybe what we all really want, if we are not in too big of a hurry or if we are willing to look lost is that sometimes it's worth the stop. Worthwhile to know that an old friend can still make us smile. That this person is still there to make us laugh and when we do,  maybe that person will see us and remember to smile too.

 Cause maybe together we are not that different after all

First words

 no yes please stop go thank you youre welcome love okay
these were some of my first words

All of us at some point have learned these words as a child. Small words that expressed our desire to start a day, explore a need, and continue a relationship.

Sometimes as I try to find the balance in my life,  I remember these words. Because in truth, we often forget them. We forget their importance and in doing so, we do not use them as frequently. Perhaps it is because so many new and complex ideas pop into our world.

But each one is true and though they seem simple enough they can never be over used. 

So when I go looking to go further in an adventure, a day and in renewal, I use these words and mean them too.

Attached is 1234 and my ring tone performed by Feist. It's the beginning. In it I hear good things.  I hope you do too!

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Say good night to the ones you love

As my writing proclaims, I once was a night owl. I loved only to be in my parent's arms rather than two doors down in the twin bed they'd tuck me into.  Waiting for the night to pass, I could see the best parts of them. Two gentle people who stirred just before sleep. Like this video I crept into my mother's room, and whatever she would dream, as I touched her face and called her name. 
I woke them to talk to me,  read a story, tickle my back- to in essentially keep me company before I could understand the slow temporary of saying good night. Now I turn over in my bed gently thinking of the day and the importance of the security of myself. But back then my parents became my friends when I couldn't fall asleep and so no matter how old I get or how far away I may sleep, I will always need to say "good night".

This is a Renee and Jeremy video to their "night mantra".  My cousin was watching it on YouTube when I visited and we both fell in love with it. I hope you do too.

How to find strangers, messy situations and fun

Children on the streets of the Jewish Ghetto. Rome, Italy