Thursday, December 30, 2010

Be young

The lightness in this song makes me feel the way I did as a kid in summer. As if  the days are opening up and spontaneously coming, unfolding, before me.  When I hear it in any season, I am nostalgic for the buoyancy in each day. I listen to this and remember to take each step more rhythmically. To move and dance.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

how to live not survive

My grandparents lived through parts of the Depression and struggled through the second World War. They were young brides and soldiers coming home. They worked through years of what today we'd call "full time"/"overtime", for a comfortable life. But through all they've lived, they aren't so much "survivors"  from a hard time as much  livers in their own lifetime. Visiting them, means living in a very special way. They worked into themselves small indulgences- or the goodness of life. There's 4 types of jam, vacations, lessons in yoga french computers, stacks of library books, trips to wherever the one you love goes, saved pieces of the place that follows.  They live not survive their lives.
When I put aside any bouts of my quarter life crisis, I like to spend time with them always, but then especially, as if on sabbatical. I arrive coming in through the backdoor they left unlocked for me, passing the dimness of the kitchen put to bed, left only with a corner light for latenight waking, and climb up the stairs to the top sheet of their bed. There I see they've been waiting for me. I watch black and white movies, movies in foreign tongues, navigate the bad mechanics of a DVR. I ask childish questions- those that hurt to ask, not because they have no answer. No, the ones you fear you must only be a child to ask. Like what are you afraid of and what can I do?
And so I ask anyway even if I am not a child. I ask because in a childlike way I listen. Because I believe them. I so believe what they say.
Worry is a funny thing. My worries are mine to keep for as long as I can keep them. But for something that can do so much to how you live, worries cant do any of the dying- It's ironic that it can survive. And so I won't let my worries outlive anyone including me.
I love my grandparents as well as for how they love. The way they live together in detail.  The small gestures they create to make each day better.
 Whatever I encounter as I find my way and as I go on it, I promise to live through everything, not simply survive.  I promise to try.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Remember how to do anything you want

When I was a kid I believed I could be anything I wanted. In fact, I was told by anyone who met me that I would. I went to school, and graduated with different degrees and became to some degree that adult. This was I knew, what I was supposed to do. But now that I am finished with school for the time being, I often wonder where to be in the mean time.
Some in my generation, myself included are not so sure about falling of a time line. The I want to be a "... when I grow up" may be right now.  I know I'd like a nice house, a family, things that motivate me to say "I've arrived". What I learned is there is no arriving. Because what would I do when I get there? I have to believe that everyday while I am getting there I am also there.
There is only stop. There is only go. These two things are interchangeable and in the decision I make I try my best to say a mix of both "yes" and "no".  If I were little once again, I think my ideas wouldn't change. In longing, I am always that girl. I want to be a writer, sister, teacher, dancer, artist, daughter,collector, flower grower, folk singer, hippi, inventor, business owner, animal lover, wife, mother, and friend. If I am not already, I can be. 

I love this video :)

see little moments

Degas' Bathing series

How to-Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

Judy Garland-Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

Even as a child, despite growing up in a Jewish home, hearing this song always makes me cry. I never realized how young she was here, perhaps even younger than I am now. But how the years pass, my holidays have different meanings, places, even I have changed. What remains is the lightness of this song resonating in her voice.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

how to tie it together

A counselor at heart, I learned that summers come in candy colors, bright reds and blues, deep purples, and neon yellows. They find their way onto shiny bathing suits, the terrycloth of beach towels, the stain of paint on your fingers. But most of all, I love the way the summers mean spools of string to tie around your friends wrist. When  I was younger, it took me a while to learn how to make a friendship bracelet. The tying of the knots, the quickness of the fingers, and the balance of moving one string into the next for a woven pattern.  I used cardboard and safety pins to hold it all in place. Now that it's winter, I still yearn for the simple jewelery that every camper coveted. The anklets adorned until they fray beneath your clothes.
Each bracelet is unique, even if you follow the same pattern and use the same string. At home, I have one large spool that comes undone in two parts. From the tops and around, it changes colors so that within one extended yard there are three or four vibrant changes in the spectrum. 
I often find myself unraveling the string to create one, in the few stitches I know, though the summer has ended.
In hopes that whatever season they are most fashionable, we'll always have someone to want to give it to, who'll take it, tie it around themselves and wear it til it frays. 

Here is a great tutorial for one:

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Like in "Good night Moon" if you think you have no one to say good night to, you do!

Happy Humpday

Often I say Happy Humpday- Happy Wednesday, the day to get over the middle of the week. Wednesdays carry ambivalence in excitement and persistency. We look forward to the weekend yet believe in this day. It is the hill in our race, it gives us speed and motivation to believe there is still more to this week. Although it is halfway though, there is a beginning to this middle; A middle to this ending. I share my humps, my days, all my parts beginning and end, with you in hopes that everyday maybe like Wednesday!

Monday, December 13, 2010

often there seems so much finality even in a practice. Everything takes practice. Everything is practice.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Discovering a Dosha

I've been reading more about the yogic ayurveda principles that include doshas. A dosha is a body/mind characteristic that explains mental and physical principles.
Here is a quiz to help you find out about yours:

This provides further explanation:

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Taking home the farmer's market

I decided to reinvent my vegetables by turning them into crisps. If you are like me then you seem to buy a lot of fresh vegetables and run out of ways to prepare them.

Kale crisps- my version

- I washed and dried kale leaves cutting off the stems. Afterwards I lined them on a baking tray that I sprayed with Pam cooking spray. Sprinkled with pepper, I let them bake for 20 minutes on 350F.

Here are some recipes that are similar to mine:


Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Move through December with song

I know I am in a good mood when I think of a song. A moment where I am both lost to the chatter of my own head and the busyness of the outside world. I link the chords in my mind and sometimes hum along. 

December is a time when we feel a sense of longing and a sense of rush.  It is a time, when we want warmth both from the changing weather and from the holidays that draw us to look inside ourselves. Perhaps this is why radio stations play holiday music so early in the season and so frequently. We hear the holidays play out in us, evoking us to arrive. Songs that not only take us through the holidays and the last month of the year, but carry us to it.

Either way  December takes us inside and with this new direction comes my motivation for a playlist.
The finality of another year passes too. I listen more carefully believing and more so hoping that the beginning will be where I choose to start. Starting with one song then moving on. I encourage you to play them out and find out where they can move you.

a non holiday mix

Save Room- John Legend
Turn turn, turn - The Byrds
Dedicated to the one I love- Mamas and the Papas
In my place-Coldplay
Dreams-Fleetwood Mac
Clean Getaway- Maria Taylor
Across the Universe- Fiona Apple
Something- The Beatles
I feel it all- Feist
Just for Now- Imogen Heap
Samson-Regina Spektor
The Hat- Ingrid Michaelson
If you fall- Azure Ray
Breakdown- Jack Johnson
With Arms Outstretched- Rilo Kiley